Innocence by Hugh Prather from The Quiet Answer (not in original text arrangement) There is no fear greater than the fear of being happy. There is no reluctance more deeply seated than the unwillingness to see all faults and sins as simply mistakes. Who could honestly denounce another if it was admitted that all he had done was make a mistake? Instead, the other is seen as selfish and internally dark, a thing unworthy of life, to be attacked and weakened. To have any hope of happiness, we must first recognize those times we are afraid of the innocence of others. They are the same moments as when we ourselves resist feeling gentle and free. We mistakenly believe that our sense of self-worth comes from how we compare to others, and that to see them as innocent would reflect badly on us. So we remain hard and exacting in order not to allow any evidence of guilt to go unnoticed. But our fear of the sinlessness of what God has created also leaves no possibility of recognizing our own inherent worthiness. Let us therefore practice genuine self-interest. Let us renounce anxiety and try in its place an experiment in kindness.
Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. That is why the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Lord, have patience with me and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat he said, 'Pay what you owe.' So his fellow servant fell down and besought him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."
And he said, "There was a man who had two sons; and the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the share of property that falls to me." And he divided his living between them. Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took his journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in loose living. And when he had spent everything, a great famine arose in that country, and he began to be in want. So he when and joined himself to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his feeds to feed swine. And he would gladly have fed on the pods that the swine ate; and no one gave him anything. But when he came to himself he said. 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, but I perish here with hunger! I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; treat me as one of your hired servants.' And he arose and came to his father. But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you; I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him; and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet; and bring the fatted calf and kill it, and let us eat and make merry; for this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.' And they began to make merry.
"now his elder son was in the field; and as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants and asked what this meant. And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fatted calf, because he received him safe and sound.' But he was angry and refused to go in. His father came out and entreated him,. but he answered his father, 'Lo, these many years I have served you, and I never disobeyed your command; yet you never gave me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends. But when this son of yours came, who has devoured your living with harlots, you killed for him the fatted calf!' And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to make merry and be glad, for this your brother was dead and is alive; he was lost and is found.'"
Those who were raised Catholic are no strangers to the word forgiveness. One's sins need to be confessed on a weekly basis and penance done to restore one's good standing before receiving communion. And beyond Jewish and Christian religion, many others posit a god who needs to be appeased by mortals before forgiveness is offered for human transgressions.
The origin of the concept of forgiveness comes to us through the Jewish tradition. The early Hebrew people enter into a covenanted relationship with God. God loves all of creation but enters into a special relationship with his people. God agrees to protect and bless his people if they keep his commandments. But as we see from the stories in the Jewish scriptures, the commandments are almost impossible to keep perfectly. Not even Moses was without transgression against the commandments. Thus the mechanism of forgiveness is a way for Israel to recognize her shortcomings and make a fresh start, restoring the solemn compact with God. In early tribal life, the covenant wasn't with individual Jews, it was with the people as a whole. God didn't get mad at Moses, but rather the people as a collective. And when God forgave, he still required punishment often of the sons of the fathers and many generations of an offending family.
The early prophets are forever calling Israel to account for transgressing the covenant with God and the wrath to come. It does come in the exile from Palestine. Having not properly heeded the prophets, the people in Diaspora, were downhearted and discouraged about suffering under the weight of sins of the fathers. The prophet Ezekiel, seeing the despair of the people, emphasized individual responsibility. The collective guilt of Israel could be avoided through one's own purity. If one follows God's law, one will receive God's favor. If one forsakes God's law, one will be punished. In this way, one could escape the sins of the fathers.
Two views evolved on the way the individual could wipe away one's sin. The first was by the path of repentance, atonement and humility, appealing for God's free grace. The second way one could erase one's sin was through ritual purification which one finds outlined in Leviticus, Deuteronomy, and Numbers. The second died out with the destruction of the temple by the Romans. The first has survived to this day as the path followed by Jews during these Days of Awe.
The Christian understanding of forgiveness is closely linked to understanding the way Jesus died. The Christian believes that Jesus's death on the cross was sufficient and final atonement for all. Thus, Jesus did the work of reconciliation with God and can work in the Christian's life today to erase sin. The Universalists believed that Jesus's sacrifice wasn't just for Christians but for all of us. God's change of heart for humanity cannot be reversed and will save us all.
The Universalist perspective releases us from worrying about whether we are following the rules correctly or if we have committed a sin that separates us from God. Thus, forgiveness for most of us becomes primarily a this worldly concern as we focus on our relationship with our neighbor. The ideal relationship with God becomes an inspiration and guidance in human relationship.
In Christian teachings, three parables are often quoted and I have read them for you today. The first is the parable of the Prodigal Son, one near and dear to my heart being one myself. One son goes away while the other stays home and is obedient. When the wayward son returns, feeling quite bad about his excess, the father runs to embraces him once again. The obedient son is distressed as he seeks punishment for the wayward son. The father affirms his unending love for his obedient son but cannot contain his joy at the return of one who was dead to him but now lives again. The fatherly image of divine forgiveness rings true to many parents who find their love far exceeds the hurt from the transgressions of their children. Unlike the temple priests who required purification before forgiveness, the father was ready to forgive before even the son confessed his errors
The second parable of the unmerciful servant suggests though that God's forgiveness is not completely unlimited. When the servant who is forgiven doesn't show the same mercy he is punished. Yet this seems to conflict with forgiving not just seven times but seven times seven!
Put them together and we get the message that the one who shows repentance and humility we may find forgiveness many many times. But if we are forgiven and do not also forgive, we won't get a second chance. It is also right there in the Jesus prayer, "and for give us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
All this sets us up for feeling pressured to forgive. After all, we all fall short of our best intentions at least once in a while. We all need to be forgiven at least once in a while. If we need forgiveness, isn't it fair that we should be expected to give it.
In the mundane events of daily life this may seem reasonable but when confronted with great evil, our hearts may turn to stone. The child beaten at least once a week with a belt until he bleeds grows up with deep feelings of anger and violation eventually leaving home and cutting himself off from his abusive father. Yet the hatred continues to burn inside even out of the sight of his father. He comes to church on Sunday morning and is urged by the preacher, intoxicated with ideas, to forgive his father as Jesus forgives him. "I don't think so." he mutters to himself leaving in confusion before the end of the service.
Think of the barbaric stories of the bodies discovered floating down the river out of Rwanda. Think of the families forced to watch members slaughtered before their eyes. Shall we tell them forgive and forget? What about the horrors of "ethnic cleansing" in Bosnia?
Why we hesitate to forgive in these situations is because we are moved by the demands of justice. Our internal sense of right and wrong is deeply offended. Our heart cries out in pain. The violation of the law of human decency unpunished compromises the integrity of society. Many criticize our justice system right now because criminals are not being punished in proportion to their crimes due to many factors. "Get tough on crime" rolls off politicians lips on both sides of the aisle.
Yet the poison of anger of hatred eats at us from the inside bringing great anguish. And often justice is not done or cannot be done. The mother loses a child to a drunken driver who gets off on a technicality. The law cannot restore that child's life and in the effort to protect the innocent lets a guilty party escape. The mother is left with an unlimited amount of rage and despair. Would you ask her to forgive the driver?
This is the real world of forgiveness. The little acts of forgiveness aren't in the same league important as they are. Forgiving parents, spouses, children, betraying friends and remorseful enemies challenges our capacity to release our own pain and open the door to reconciliation.
What forgiveness really means is to cease to feel resentment against someone on account of a wrong committed and to give up claim to repayment, revenge or retribution. It is not possible to command one's feelings to cease as an act of will. That isn't how feelings work. To truly give up a claim to repayment, revenge, or retribution, one must release one's demand for justice. A change must take place inside the offended person that transcends that person's will.
True forgiveness can arise in the moment the offending parties bows their heads in shame acknowledging the injury and recognizing the wrong which has been done. True forgiveness can begin as the actions of another are understood in a new light. True forgiveness can be discovered as one recognizes one's own transgressions that match or exceed the wrong.
I think we come to know the nature of forgiveness better as we examine on a regular basis our own errors and seek to resolve them. This is one of the strengths of the eighth step of Alcoholics Anonymous: to make amends for the wrongs one has committed. Strangely, it is often the one drowning in whiskey who feels wronged by the world. A close examination of one's own mistakes and an attempt let others know of your remorse exercises the compassion muscle for others. This is why I don't often get upset at bad drivers since I am aware of the many times I have irritated others by the way I drive. And I'm a pretty good driver.
It is important to remember that the act of forgiveness cannot be compelled only offered freely once it has been received. We cannot decide who should or should not forgive someone else. The parties involved must find their own understanding.
And with all I have said about forgiveness cannot be commanded, I need also to say that it can be invited. As I think we all know, harboring strong negative feelings is quite unpleasant. The woman who lost her child to the drunken driver is likely to be consumed by a firestorm of negative feelings which will kill her if she doesn't find a way to resolve them. This is how Mothers Against Drunken Driving got started. A deep and probing examination of the beliefs and thoughts behind the feelings can bring to consciousness a dimension of human life not known before. The inner quest can also become a search for the face of God who seems to have turned away. An expanded faith, be it theistic or atheistic, is now needed to replace the ashes of the old one. And the path to a new faith may demand a frightening walk through a forbidding recesses of the soul.
Mysterious things can happen as one invites forgiveness. D. Patrick Miller struck with a debilitating case of Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome found a path to healing through forgiveness. Listen to his reflections on the work of forgiveness:
Soon after I began internally forgiving my parents for all the wrongs I thought they had done me, they seemed to become more open and frank about their personal history, about what had influenced them to become who they were. Their revelations were stunning to me, and I wasn't sure exactly what was happening. Had I heard these things before but not paid attention because of my resentments at the time? Or did my parents subconsciously feel permitted to tell me more about themselves because I was showing them subtle signs of acceptance. Now I know that both kinds of change were occurring. I'm no longer concerned about which is their change and which is mine. We all change together if we change at all, in a couple, or a family, or in the family of humanity as well. That's what makes forgiveness so powerful. Anyone can initiate the changes we all need by opening up new territories within his or her mind - our one mind, really - where others can find the room to take a deep breath, tell the truth, and shake off the cloak of guilt they have so long mistaken for their own skin[1].
If we are truly interconnected, even the invitation of forgiveness changes the world. Even the slightest turn in the heart can open a path for a mighty river to spring forth out of a trickle of water. Seeking forgiveness brings us life for it reconnects us to the source of all life which is love. If we be faithful to this love which constitutes our very nature, we must find readiness, when the time is right, to move on to new creation. Nothing stands still, the past decays away, and the future beckons forward.
I encourage you to join with our Jewish community to search your heart for the times you have missed the mark, harmed another or have been harmed and seek a path to forgiveness. I make no promises of success or assurances of salvation, yet my own work with forgiveness encourages me. The odds on love are good, so take the risk.
Closing Words
Real forgiveness comes from Cleansing the heart of fear, anger and hatred, Preparing the way for the indwelling of transcending love. May we prepare our hearts for this love through seeking forgiveness as we join with our Jewish brothers and sisters, celebrating these days of awe. Go in Peace, Make Peace, Be at Peace.