DEFINITIONS FOR EVERYDAY PARENTS

  1. AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
  2. DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
  3. FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
  4. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
  5. FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
  6. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
  7. HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
  8. IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
  9. INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
  10. OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings
  11. PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.
  12. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
  13. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
  14. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to our last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
  15. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
  16. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
  17. VERBAL: able to whine in words
  18. WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.