DEFINITIONS FOR EVERYDAY
PARENTS
- AMNESIA: condition that
enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex
again.
- DUMBWAITER: one who asks
if the kids would care to order dessert.
- FAMILY PLANNING: the art
of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you
on the edge of financial disaster.
- FEEDBACK: the inevitable
result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained
carrots.
- FULL NAME: what you call
your child when you're mad at him.
- GRANDPARENTS: the people
who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure
you're not raising them right.
- HEARSAY: what toddlers do
when anyone mutters a dirty word.
- IMPREGNABLE: a woman
whose memory of labor is still vivid.
- INDEPENDENT: how we want
our children to be as long as they do everything we
say.
- OW: the first word spoken
by children with older siblings
- PRENATAL: when your life
was still somewhat your own.
- PUDDLE: a small body of
water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into
it.
- SHOW OFF: a child who is
more talented than yours.
- STERILIZE: what you do to
your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to our last baby's
pacifier by blowing on it.
- TOP BUNK: where you
should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
- TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when
the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar
grunting noises.
- VERBAL: able to whine in
words
- WHODUNIT: none of the
kids that live in your house.