A motorist was unknowingly
caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using
radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail, a
ticket for $40.00, and a photo of his car. Instead of the payment,
he sent the police department a photograph of two $20.00 bills.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police
department that contained another picture, of a pair of
handcuffs.
A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead
with him to let them take him home. He says no, he only lives a
mile away. About five blocks from the party the police pull him
over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the
line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a
robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell
the party animal to stay put, they will be right back, and they
run down the street to the robbery.
The guy waits, and waits, and
finally decides to drive home.
When he gets there, he tells his
wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking
for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few
hours later the police knock on his door. They ask if Mr. X lives
there and the wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies
that he is in bed with the flu and has been there all day. The
police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she
asks why.
They insist on seeing the car, so
she takes them to the garage and opens the door where they
find:
The police car, lights still
flashing.
A police officer had a perfect hiding place for watching speeders.
But one day, everyone was under the speed limit, and the officer
found the reason for it.
A ten year old boy was standing on
the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said:
"RADAR TRAP AHEAD."
A little more investigation work led
the officer to the boy's accomplice: another ten year old boy
about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with sign reading: "TIPS"
and a bucket at his feet, full of change.
(the free enterprise system at
work!)
- I'm surprised you stopped me,
Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
- No, offi, offic, Lucifer . . .
I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
- No, I don't know how fast I was
going. The little needle stops at 110 mph.
- Back off, Barney, I've got a
piece.
- But officer, I've got 2
different drivers, licenses from 2 different states! Pick
1.
- I know I was weaving, but I was
trying to hit all the little green men!
- Come on write the darn ticket,
the bars close in 20 minutes!
- How long is this going to take?
Your wife is expecting me.
- So that's what those yellow
flashing lights in the school zone means
- Who is better Dunkin Donuts, or
Winchells?
A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his
4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the
whole event. The man thought, "Great...he's 4 and I'm gonna have
to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun -
I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man
walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any
questions?" "Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast
was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
