WORDS OF WISDOM

• Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
• Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
• For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
• Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
• Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
• The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
• To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
• Two wrongs are only the beginning.
• You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
• The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
• Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.
• A fool and his money are soon partying.
• Money can't buy love. But it CAN rent a very close imitation.
• Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few payments.
• How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
• Everybody repeat after me, "We are all individuals."
• Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
• Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
• Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back.
• Half the people you know are below average.
• 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
• A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
• If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.