We have three daughters, and the youngest one, who was just 2, wandered into the sun room of our home and with a horrified look on her face-she looked like she was about to spit something from her mouth.I grabbed a napkin, held it under her mouth-as she spit, I realized that it smelled exactly like dog feces, which is what it turned out to be. I rinsed out her mouth, called our vet, found out our dog was healthy and refrained from kissing her for awhile.
But that's not the best part. The following May, when our second-grader was receiving First Communion, our priest was walking through the church, talking to the parents and asking anyone in the family if they had anything they'd like to pray about. Our 5-year-old-leaned forward to the priest and said, loudly enough for his portable microphone to broadcast it over the entire audience: "One time, Kelsey ate a dog turd." It brought down the house.
I have two sons, ages 8 & 4, and they were discussing Adam and Eve. The 8-year-old asked: "How did Adam and Eve die?"
And the 4-year-old said: "They ate bad fruit."
Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. Knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and saw the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"
My 2 1/2-year-0ld niece, Kelli, went with her neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. The pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the Host--in this case, a piece of bread--he says: "God be with you."
Apparently this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother's hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: "God will get you."
My husband taught our 3-year-old that if she pulled his finger, he would [expel a posterior breeze]. One day, when he was real busy around the house, she walked up to him and pulled his finger. And he hadn't noticed.
She gets a big question mark over her head and says: "Hmmmmmmm. Empty"--and walks away.
We set out our creche for the holidays, and my 5-year-old daughter, Laura, was watching me put all of the figurines in it--especially baby Jesus. I explained what a manger was--that they didn't have a crib for him, so they had to lay a blanket on the hay and put him there. She thought about that for a minute, and then she looked at me and said, "Mom, did they have to use a manger for his car seat, too?"
My boss' son is five years old. He attended his first funeral with his family. I saw him on Sunday and asked him what he thought of it. His answer, "She was already dead when we got there."
I read a story about the small child saying, "Night-night" to a body at the funeral home. It reminded me of our small daughter. We took her to view her great-grandmother, and she asked, "Why did they put Great-grandma in a jewelry box?"
I took Allison to the doctor for her 2-year-old check. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly.And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you stand on one foot for me?"
And she walked over and stood on his foot.
My son has a pet iguana, and he took it to school to show some of the other kids. If you've ever seen an iguana, they have a large flap of skin that hangs down from their neck, and it's called dewlap.
The kids were asking what it was, and he explained, and a little girl in his class said, "Oh! My grandma has one of those."
I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play, and I was giving out choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager.
One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager."
He said, "o.k."-ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them, "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"